This is my life story (so far)

I was born into a family that is in groups, that were and do never get on well for long. We can all talk and put up with eachother for alittle while, depends on our moods, and when top one, we can get really nasty, some of us have hurt people when we got near that level, but as far as I know none of us has ever reached the top of tempers. and I hope we never do. I grew up with mostly nan taking care of me, Dee (mother *makes a face*) was always busy sleeping around with her many bf's. One day she had her Tarot cards out on the bed, I walked over to them, and remembered beign told to not touch them, but being 4/5 I didn't pay much attention to it. So I picked a card up and as soon as I touched the cards it felt as if electric was running up and through me. I played with them looking at the pics on them and liking the feeling they gave me, when I heard Dee coming upstairs, I dropped the cards making sure they looked about the same, as if I'd never touched them. and ran over to a corner of the room, were she had told me to go when she wanted me out of the way. which was almost all the time. She came in and started yelling about how much she hated everything about me, and wished I'd never been born. I began wishing that too, I didn't like the way she treated me and kept yelling. I had never done anything wrong, I was quiet and she told me I was bad for it, I said something and it was bad. she got angry at me, and I got afraid, she picked me up and shook me, I started crying as she was yelling in my face, telling me I must have came from hell because I was so bad. She got even more angry when she saw I was crying and done something new. She slapped me hard across the face, I was stunded that I seemed to freeze and not move. She conintued this new form of punishment from that day on.One day we went to the beach with auntie Fran and my cousin Alex, Alex and I began playing in the ocean splahing eachother and enjoying ourselves, we weren't paying an attention to anything but how to splash and mess about with the other, I didn't see Dee coming up behind me untill I was too late, Alex and I had just walked to the edge of the shallow water and were looking down into the deeper water, when I felt a hand on my shoulder I looked up to see it was Dee, I froze and started getting worried, when she pushed me in right into the deeper water, and I couldn't swim but started trying to crawl back into shallower water but she didn't want me to, she pushed me under and held me under when I had come up again, she let me up every so often but then pushed me under again, I was panicing she was trying to kill, which she told me later on, she then just held me under that water and my vision became blurry, but a man came over and pulled her away and pulled me back up, he told me to go to the shore and I ran there, when I got back to shore I saw my auntie was still just sitting there, she hadn't tried to stop her I couldn't believe it, then I looked up and the man's family were around me, a lady put a blanket around me and she was trying to calm me down, I guess she was making sure I didn't go into shock. When I looked over at Dee her and the man were shouting at eachother, then Dee came out of the water and I saw Fran get up and I noticed Alex was clinging to her, they picked everything up while I just sat there surround by strangers, the man came over and he and his wife looked at eachother, the man looked angry and she looked worried angry and it looked like she was pleading with her eyes, he just shook his head and looked down at me and smiled, I just looked back not sure what was happening and what was going to happen when I got home, I knew I was going to get beaten for this, and I turned to look at Fran and Dee, they had everything together and were walking back towards the car park, I didn't know whether I should stay there with the people or go after them, I got up and ran after them, the family had started saying something to me and I just kept my head down and said I'd get in trouble if I didn't go with them and I thanked them for the blanket and gave it back to them, only to have them wrap it back around me, then I ran back to the car and was told to get in. When we got home after a very quiet car trip, I got beaten and blamed for that. One day she joined a dating agency and started getting letters through the mail. She decided it was time I "done something useful", so she brought the mail up to the room and spred them out on the bed. She made me pick a letter for her to read first, some of these letters were decent while others were from men that mostly talked about how they wanted to fuck her. I was made to listen to all these and then afterwards, made to help her choose what guy she would date for that day. Yet no matter who I chose they were never the guy she did date, so I ended up just picking whoever was closest to me. She met a few guys that were really nice, kind, polite caring, but she never chose them. then she met this guy, Wayne, she seemed to fall for him. When I met him I didn't like him, I got a feeling that he was bad news, something that shouldn't be near people that were good and nice. When they told us they were getting married I tried to tell her I didn't like him, but all she done was pushed me out of the way, and I hit the door, she didn't care so I left the room and went back to waiting outside. When the photo's were taken I didn't want to be anywhere near them, I wanted to be anywhere but there. Wayne then started trying to "teach" me math, he gave me two lines of numbers, each line having over 10 numbers, he gave me about 5 minuets to answer them all, if I didn't he'd hit me around the head and tell me I was useless, dumb, and a waste of space, he used to stand over me watching my every move and tutting every so often so I started getting worried which led to panic. I used to try to tell him I couldn't but thanks to being hit and told I was dumb ect I was too quiet and mousey to say much, so all that did was earn me another thump. So I just sat there totally confused by the numbers and trying to do the sum when I didn't know how, Wayne had put it in tech lanuage and I wasn't allowed to ask questions. I had to do the "lessons" before dinner, dinner was a horror too, we always had lamb hearts, but sometimes for a "treat" we had kidneys, none of it was ever fully cooked, they were still bloody so you mostly had a mouthful of blood, every so often I would not eat them and was told if I didn't I would have nothing else to eat, when I did eat them I could never finish it, my mouth was mostly full of blood than meat. When I wanted to leave the table I asked but wasn't allowed to leave until they did, and when I said I needed to I still wasn't allowed to, no matter what I had to sit there, I wasn't even allowed to speak at the table most of the time after I had asked, even if my chair sqeeked it was my fault and got me a slap. I couldn't stay downstairs if I hadn't eaten, and if I had then as soon as I was allowed to leave, I was told to get a move on, I wasn't allowed to talk or see my grandparents. When I was thrown into my room I started learning how to open the door without making a sound, but I got caught a few times which I was beaten for, they even locked the door once or twice until my grandparents caught on and mdae them stop. One night I was told to come into their room, they had just turned on a movie that looked new and different, Dracula, but I said nothing because if I did I was afraid of being beaten, they told me I was going to watch it with them as I couldn't sleep. When the gore started I started to get scared, I already had feelings that something was out in the night and this creature in this film came out at night looking for blood, I started thinking that might be what was out there and my seeing this might bring it closer this was a horrible thing, I turned round to the bed about to ask if I could go to my room and not watch it anymore, but I didn't get the chance to say a thing because there on the bed Dee and Wayne were having sex, so I said nothing and turned back to the film only to see the people on there were doing the same with the vampire, so I was stuck with watching that in the film and then it went back to the gore. Afterwards when I was back in my room I ran under the covers shaking, there was that feeling of something outside again, I asked if I could have a light on but they just laughed and said no, I was afraid of the dark and they knew it and after seeing that movie I was even more afraid, and that night I had my first of a years nightmare staring a blood crazed vampire that was after me. When I was at school Dee brushed my hair but she done that in a way that it hurt with every stroke, I told her it hurt the way she done it and she got angry and grabbed a pair of scissors an cut my hair off to about a 2 inch style and sent me to school like it, I blushed when people saw me and stared I wanted long hair, not short, I looked like a boy and from that day on I wasn't allowed it longer. When my school said they were taking us all swimming the next day I was alittle worried and didn't really want to go, I kept remembering when Dee had tried to drown me, but we were all still going to go, they then told us they wanted the parents to know what was going to happen.

Darkest wishes
-Sam

When I got home and told them where we were going the next day, they got mad at it and threatened that I couldn't tell anyone anything and was beaten. The next day after I had got dressed into my bathing suit, I looked at myself, there were bruises on my arms and legs and some that were under where my suit covered, I didn't want to leave that room, I didn't want to let anyone see me dressed in something that showed my body all becuase I didn't want any questions or people to stare; but I knew I'd get in trouble if I tried to stay in there, so I wrapped my towel around me and didn't let anything but my hands show, I gripped the towel so tightly that my knuckles had gone white and when we were told to jump in I jsut stayed standing there looking at the water and clutching the towel tighter around me, the water looked the same way the sea had been quiet and only having tiny waves rippling on the surface, I couldn't move I was too scared, the teahcer came over to me and asked why I wasn't joining my class mates I just told her my voice alittle too quiet to be heard clearly that I couldn't, I started to cry then afraid the teacher would hit me, and when she raised her hand I flinched away but all she was doing was signiling to the other teacher to begin the lesson. She then took me into the back and down some stairs then up again and into a small hot little room were there was barely any noise from outside, unless the window was opened. She sat down on the many chairs that were in there and I stood waiting for her to yell at me, but all she done was asked me to sit down as well, she told me when I started feeling too hot that I should take off my towel, I was too hot so I did take off the towel and she gasped alittle, there were marks of hands on the top of my arms and lots of bruises some old and some new on my arms and legs, I looked at her and she looked a mix between angry, afraid and sorry, I looked back down and covered myself in my towel again the teacher seemed to take awhile to get back to normal and when she had I wondered if she would tell anyone, she then told me I could stay in the room until we had to go, I just nodded and sat there as she left. On the coach back I was made to sit near the teacher and hated it as everyone seemed to be laughing at me and making faces when I looked. When we got back to the school the teacher tried to get me to tell who had given me the bruises, and why, I didn't say anything about them just said I'd get in trouble if I told, so the teachers made me see a counsellor/nurse but I still said nothing, she said I sounded baby-ish in voice so I changed it made it deeper and alittle gruffer until it seemed to match me more, and I didn't see the lady again, the teachers gave up on getting anythign out of me so they called Dee and Wayne in, they were super mad at that and threatened the teachers and took me out of the school, and this happened 5 times in various schools. No matter what school I was in no-one liked me, I was called names and made fun of, the names they mostly used were "witches daughter" and "demon child or spawn" and every so often I was called dumb, those and other names I was called, one school I did talk to two girls and they called me "The panther" because when I was angry I would let rip on someone, like one boy said because I was a girl I couldn't play football one boy stood up for me and said I could have a go, the boy that had told me I could stood near the goal and said I wouldn't hit anything and that girls were dumb, only interested in dolls and make up, I got mad and kicked the ball in his groin and then the ball also hit the other goal, I just smirked at him and his friends and walked off. The boy never did make fun of me again and kept out of my way, I was pleased at that and just got on with the games I played and trying to plan my future, which was mostly (and is) studying hard and getting a good job, getting my own place and not getting married unless the guy was everything I wanted in a guy, and that was going to be my life, I wasn't going to give up on my life for anyone else (and still aren't going to). Dee started teaching me sex moves and other thigns to do with that, she took me adult shopping with her and made me help her choose what to get and explained what they were used for. Once or twice she would beat me before Wayne came home, once she beat me till I was crawling awya from her, crying and saying over and over again "no, please stop" but she wouldn't unless she thought I'd had enough, which sometimes she ended it with a kick into the bed or just a kick that left me on the floor curled into a ball crying and in pain, wishing it would stop. I got angry once when at home and without touching her pushed her down the stairs, I don't know how or anythign and haven't been able to do that again but I somehow did manage it then, I remember something being there helping me but it wasn't truely there. Every school went to was christien, I wasn't christien and didn't believe in him (still don't and aren't), and in one school they used to punish those who didn't listen to it by making them stay in the chruch and listen to more until you could say what you had just been told. The boys used to enjoy making girls scream and I liked seeing it too, in one school we had "pet" frogs, the boys used to get a frog and put it down a girls back and watch them scream and jump around laughing I loved seeing that and I laughed too, one boy tried to make me scream by telling me to hold one I held it and stroked down it's back smiling, one boy shivered and I had to hold back a laugh, a girl came up behind me and called me a freak and I got angry and said sorry to frog and then put it down her top she screamed and ran around trying to get it off, when it did come off she was stilling yelling and crying, I was crying too from laughter as were the boys, I got taken to the principals for that but I didn't care and payed no attention to them, I was fed up with being treated badly by people like her. One night after not being allowed to eat anything because I wouldn't eat lamb hearts, I snuck downstairs to my grandparents, they gave me some food and saw some of my bruises, Dee and Wayne came down then and yelled at me and ordered me back up to my room, I quickly ducked out the door and ran upstairs, when in my room I could still hear them yelling at eachother. Dee and Wayne came up and "told me" off, and as always I cried myself to sleep. That morning I was told to choose between my grandparents and them, I said I needed to think about it but I didn't really I just wanted to not be seen and glared at, I thought it through and knew if I stayed with Dee and Wayne I would be put in a home for children, the worst one they could find as they had told me so themselves, so I chose my grandparents, and when I told them all they seemed happy and smield at me, I smiled back but stopped quickly as Dee and Wayne were glaring and said they had better sort out some paper work then, when I went back upstairs they threatened me and beat me for the last time, I was told if I told anyone even them what had happened and they got in trouble for it I would disappear for good, and noone could stop them. They moved away a few times but always came back, Dee got pregnant and had a few children while here, then they finally moved away for good, up to Scotland. I started asking about my dad before Dee left and about finding him, I got told he had raped Dee so I gave up on that. I went back to one of my old schools when I was with nan and granddad, but for me to get in we had to swear Dee and Wayne would never come to the school again, we did and I was back in one of my old schools, unfortunatly it was the school that used to punish you for not listen to the bible readings. Nan got report cards through and noticed something wrong with them, they never changed, she asked what happened at school and I told her that most of the time I had to take a heavy T.V set up to the Pre-school and stay there till they were done with it then take it back down the hill and go back to lessons, but when I came back lessons were almost over, and when I didn't have to take the T.V. up I was ignored in class, the teacher only said that some students would make nothing with their lives, that they just weren't that smart, but nan didn't believe that so she took me out of school and started home schooling me. The education board came round and were shocked as I was getting top marks, they tested me and said I acted mature and wasn't as the teacher had said, and when I told them I was planning on going to college and getting to good job they were pleased and wished me luck and said if I worked at that like I had on this then I would make it, I was happy to hear that. I then met a guy called Matt, he had a brother called Tom, Matt and I became friends and both wanted a good life, I told how mine had started and he helped me by teaching me a curse that didn't get back on you but still got at them, I done that and it worked a treat. One day I was going off to visit Matt at his home, when I got there Tom came to the door and said he had just gone out for a second but I could wait inside, he'd be back soon, I thanked him and came inside, we sat down in the frontroom and waited, I looked around the room at first and saw Tom staring at me I got alittle worried and freaked at how he was staring at me, I didn't like it, I got up and was about to say I'd wait outside when Tom got up and walked over to me saying about how silly Matt was, I didn't say anything and Tom stroked my cheek I was totally terrfied and started backing away from him, he smirked and I backed away faster only to have my back hit the wall, he laughed and I looked to see where the door was but before I could move toward it he had me pinned to the wall and was kissing me, he then started pulling at my clothes and I was trying to get him off me but it did no use he was stronger then I was and I started crying I heard my top rip and Tom laugh alittle, and I shut my eyes crying, when I felt Tom dragged off and I fell to the floor. When I looked up I saw Matt had hit his bro and shoved him in a room and locked the door, I looked at my top and it was now showing most of my chest, but I didn't know what to do so I just left it and Matt helped me up, and helped me to the door grabbed the keys to the car that he'd dropped when he had come back in, and helped me into the back of the car, and I passed out. Matt's bro left home a few days later and then later in the year moved to another country, Matt soon followed which made me sad. I went to college, which I was scared of at first but that didn't stop me, I started a starter course and met a guy and girl there, the guy was a fun loving gay and the girl a US usaully happy and relaxed girl, we all talked during our breaks and we managed to stay one happy little group we were the freaks and outcasts of the course, but we all just thought every course had them it was us this time in other courses someone else would be. Tha gay had many troubles in his life and I wanted to help, so I done all I could I gave him a freindly face, a shoulder to cry on and a person that would listen to whatever he had to say. He left the course a month before it was over because of a death in the family and he sank farther into depression, we kept in contact with him for awhile but then after awhile we stopped hearing from him. But me and Bug stayed friends and spent time together during breaks ect at college and listened to eachothers troubles. A boy on the course hated anyone not totally English so he picked on Bug and then on me, he threw thigs at us and kicked me in the back of the leg every so often, he got kicked off the course. I gota bf and didn't tell a soul, we broke up soon after though and he got angry, got his friends together in a town I was in tryign to find some good books to read before I had to meet up with a friend, they came up to me and said they wanted to talk I went with them, we left the town till we were on the outskirts, then I saw him come out and he told me I had two choses go back to him or not, I chose not to and he got angry and slapped me around the face, then his friends grabbed me and held me still and he hit me again saying how dumb I was to let him go, then he stopped and walked over to the car and one of his other frineds hit me to the floor, then they left me there bleeding and bruised, they called a friend of mine and told them to come and get me and told them where I was, then drove away quickly, my friends told me to not bother telling anyone as it would be pointless in the end and it would take them ages to prove it ect, so I didn't. I never told anyone what had happened to me, and when at college someone told me I had to go see a counsellor, I saw her and started to tell her my past (still am), trying to get over all I've been through and heal some of the old wounds, and I was starting to get depressed. We, Bug and I finished that course, and started looking for a new one, I chose business and she chose art. We are still friends. I found the realm, and joined up started talking to people with the same interests and met a guy that seemed different, a kind of bad boy, I liked him for that and I found out he liked me back, so he became my bf and me his gf. I knew I didn't really love him, and then a guy came along and I fell for him almost immedately, he liked me back the same way, and I broke up with my bf and went with the new guy I truely loved. We started planning our lives, he wanted me to have a job and everything else I wanted to do, I was so happy, he was perfect. Then one day at college I got word that he was dead and my heartbroken, the girl I had been talking to noticed I was crying and asked why, I told her and she took me away from there while I was crying, and so I went back to class crying, brokenhearted and suicidal, then I found I could still sense him. A few friends began helping me find out what was happening and we found out he was still alive, but then alittle later none of us could sense nor see him, and that only means one thing, he is dead. So I went back to my old bf, I thought I owed him something but I still didn't love him, and a few friends said I was making a HUGE mistake, but I didn't listen. My uncles died, and then my pet cat died. I then had a demon set on me, and a guy I know took it away and helped me. I talked and started to get lessons from the demon boy, and then relised I liked him, I think it's true friendship, and we are the same exactly the same, expect he's a boy and I'm a girl, I am bonded to many people and care about every single one. I am told I'm a wonderful person but I barely believe that, but I'm now starting to. And so I end this, for now this is my life story, the rest is still left to be seen.

I was born into a family that is in groups, that were and do never get on well for long. We can all talk and put up with eachother for alittle while, depends on our moods, and when top one, we can get really nasty, some of us have hurt people when we got near that level, but as far as I know none of us has ever reached the top of tempers. and I hope we never do. I grew up with mostly nan taking care of me, Dee (mother *makes a face*) was always busy sleeping around with her many bf's. One day she had her Tarot cards out on the bed, I walked over to them, and remembered beign told to not touch them, but being 4/5 I didn't pay much attention to it. So I picked a card up and as soon as I touched the cards it felt as if electric was running up and through me. I played with them looking at the pics on them and liking the feeling they gave me, when I heard Dee coming upstairs, I dropped the cards making sure they looked about the same, as if I'd never touched them. and ran over to a corner of the room, were she had told me to go when she wanted me out of the way. which was almost all the time. She came in and started yelling about how much she hated everything about me, and wished I'd never been born. I began wishing that too, I didn't like the way she treated me and kept yelling. I had never done anything wrong, I was quiet and she told me I was bad for it, I said something and it was bad. she got angry at me, and I got afraid, she picked me up and shook me, I started crying as she was yelling in my face, telling me I must have came from hell because I was so bad. She got even more angry when she saw I was crying and done something new. She slapped me hard across the face, I was stunded that I seemed to freeze and not move. She conintued this new form of punishment from that day on.One day we went to the beach with auntie Fran and my cousin Alex, Alex and I began playing in the ocean splahing eachother and enjoying ourselves, we weren't paying an attention to anything but how to splash and mess about with the other, I didn't see Dee coming up behind me untill I was too late, Alex and I had just walked to the edge of the shallow water and were looking down into the deeper water, when I felt a hand on my shoulder I looked up to see it was Dee, I froze and started getting worried, when she pushed me in right into the deeper water, and I couldn't swim but started trying to crawl back into shallower water but she didn't want me to, she pushed me under and held me under when I had come up again, she let me up every so often but then pushed me under again, I was panicing she was trying to kill, which she told me later on, she then just held me under that water and my vision became blurry, but a man came over and pulled her away and pulled me back up, he told me to go to the shore and I ran there, when I got back to shore I saw my auntie was still just sitting there, she hadn't tried to stop her I couldn't believe it, then I looked up and the man's family were around me, a lady put a blanket around me and she was trying to calm me down, I guess she was making sure I didn't go into shock. When I looked over at Dee her and the man were shouting at eachother, then Dee came out of the water and I saw Fran get up and I noticed Alex was clinging to her, they picked everything up while I just sat there surround by strangers, the man came over and he and his wife looked at eachother, the man looked angry and she looked worried angry and it looked like she was pleading with her eyes, he just shook his head and looked down at me and smiled, I just looked back not sure what was happening and what was going to happen when I got home, I knew I was going to get beaten for this, and I turned to look at Fran and Dee, they had everything together and were walking back towards the car park, I didn't know whether I should stay there with the people or go after them, I got up and ran after them, the family had started saying something to me and I just kept my head down and said I'd get in trouble if I didn't go with them and I thanked them for the blanket and gave it back to them, only to have them wrap it back around me, then I ran back to the car and was told to get in. When we got home after a very quiet car trip, I got beaten and blamed for that. One day she joined a dating agency and started getting letters through the mail. She decided it was time I "done something useful", so she brought the mail up to the room and spred them out on the bed. She made me pick a letter for her to read first, some of these letters were decent while others were from men that mostly talked about how they wanted to fuck her. I was made to listen to all these and then afterwards, made to help her choose what guy she would date for that day. Yet no matter who I chose they were never the guy she did date, so I ended up just picking whoever was closest to me. She met a few guys that were really nice, kind, polite caring, but she never chose them. then she met this guy, Wayne, she seemed to fall for him. When I met him I didn't like him, I got a feeling that he was bad news, something that shouldn't be near people that were good and nice. When they told us they were getting married I tried to tell her I didn't like him, but all she done was pushed me out of the way, and I hit the door, she didn't care so I left the room and went back to waiting outside. When the photo's were taken I didn't want to be anywhere near them, I wanted to be anywhere but there. Wayne then started trying to "teach" me math, he gave me two lines of numbers, each line having over 10 numbers, he gave me about 5 minuets to answer them all, if I didn't he'd hit me around the head and tell me I was useless, dumb, and a waste of space, he used to stand over me watching my every move and tutting every so often so I started getting worried which led to panic. I used to try to tell him I couldn't but thanks to being hit and told I was dumb ect I was too quiet and mousey to say much, so all that did was earn me another thump. So I just sat there totally confused by the numbers and trying to do the sum when I didn't know how, Wayne had put it in tech lanuage and I wasn't allowed to ask questions. I had to do the "lessons" before dinner, dinner was a horror too, we always had lamb hearts, but sometimes for a "treat" we had kidneys, none of it was ever fully cooked, they were still bloody so you mostly had a mouthful of blood, every so often I would not eat them and was told if I didn't I would have nothing else to eat, when I did eat them I could never finish it, my mouth was mostly full of blood than meat. When I wanted to leave the table I asked but wasn't allowed to leave until they did, and when I said I needed to I still wasn't allowed to, no matter what I had to sit there, I wasn't even allowed to speak at the table most of the time after I had asked, even if my chair sqeeked it was my fault and got me a slap. I couldn't stay downstairs if I hadn't eaten, and if I had then as soon as I was allowed to leave, I was told to get a move on, I wasn't allowed to talk or see my grandparents. When I was thrown into my room I started learning how to open the door without making a sound, but I got caught a few times which I was beaten for, they even locked the door once or twice until my grandparents caught on and mdae them stop. One night I was told to come into their room, they had just turned on a movie that looked new and different, Dracula, but I said nothing because if I did I was afraid of being beaten, they told me I was going to watch it with them as I couldn't sleep. When the gore started I started to get scared, I already had feelings that something was out in the night and this creature in this film came out at night looking for blood, I started thinking that might be what was out there and my seeing this might bring it closer this was a horrible thing, I turned round to the bed about to ask if I could go to my room and not watch it anymore, but I didn't get the chance to say a thing because there on the bed Dee and Wayne were having sex, so I said nothing and turned back to the film only to see the people on there were doing the same with the vampire, so I was stuck with watching that in the film and then it went back to the gore. Afterwards when I was back in my room I ran under the covers shaking, there was that feeling of something outside again, I asked if I could have a light on but they just laughed and said no, I was afraid of the dark and they knew it and after seeing that movie I was even more afraid, and that night I had my first of a years nightmare staring a blood crazed vampire that was after me. When I was at school Dee brushed my hair but she done that in a way that it hurt with every stroke, I told her it hurt the way she done it and she got angry and grabbed a pair of scissors an cut my hair off to about a 2 inch style and sent me to school like it, I blushed when people saw me and stared I wanted long hair, not short, I looked like a boy and from that day on I wasn't allowed it longer. When my school said they were taking us all swimming the next day I was alittle worried and didn't really want to go, I kept remembering when Dee had tried to drown me, but we were all still going to go, they then told us they wanted the parents to know what was going to happen. When I got home and told them where we were going the next day, they got mad at it and threatened that I couldn't tell anyone anything and was beaten. The next day after I had got dressed into my bathing suit, I looked at myself, there were bruises on my arms and legs and some that were under where my suit covered, I didn't want to leave that room, I didn't want to let anyone see me dressed in something that showed my body all becuase I didn't want any questions or people to stare; but I knew I'd get in trouble if I tried to stay in there, so I wrapped my towel around me and didn't let anything but my hands show, I gripped the towel so tightly that my knuckles had gone white and when we were told to jump in I jsut stayed standing there looking at the water and clutching the towel tighter around me, the water looked the same way the sea had been quiet and only having tiny waves rippling on the surface, I couldn't move I was too scared, the teahcer came over to me and asked why I wasn't joining my class mates I just told her my voice alittle too quiet to be heard clearly that I couldn't, I started to cry then afraid the teacher would hit me, and when she raised her hand I flinched away but all she was doing was signiling to the other teacher to begin the lesson. She then took me into the back and down some stairs then up again and into a small hot little room were there was barely any noise from outside, unless the window was opened. She sat down on the many chairs that were in there and I stood waiting for her to yell at me, but all she done was asked me to sit down as well, she told me when I started feeling too hot that I should take off my towel, I was too hot so I did take off the towel and she gasped alittle, there were marks of hands on the top of my arms and lots of bruises some old and some new on my arms and legs, I looked at her and she looked a mix between angry, afraid and sorry, I looked back down and covered myself in my towel again the teacher seemed to take awhile to get back to normal and when she had I wondered if she would tell anyone, she then told me I could stay in the room until we had to go, I just nodded and sat there as she left. On the coach back I was made to sit near the teacher and hated it as everyone seemed to be laughing at me and making faces when I looked. When we got back to the school the teacher tried to get me to tell who had given me the bruises, and why, I didn't say anything about them just said I'd get in trouble if I told, so the teachers made me see a counsellor/nurse but I still said nothing, she said I sounded baby-ish in voice so I changed it made it deeper and alittle gruffer until it seemed to match me more, and I didn't see the lady again, the teachers gave up on getting anythign out of me so they called Dee and Wayne in, they were super mad at that and threatened the teachers and took me out of the school, and this happened 5 times in various schools. No matter what school I was in no-one liked me, I was called names and made fun of, the names they mostly used were "witches daughter" and "demon child or spawn" and every so often I was called dumb, those and other names I was called, one school I did talk to two girls and they called me "The panther" because when I was angry I would let rip on someone, like one boy said because I was a girl I couldn't play football one boy stood up for me and said I could have a go, the boy that had told me I could stood near the goal and said I wouldn't hit anything and that girls were dumb, only interested in dolls and make up, I got mad and kicked the ball in his groin and then the ball also hit the other goal, I just smirked at him and his friends and walked off.

The boy never did make fun of me again and kept out of my way, I was pleased at that and just got on with the games I played and trying to plan my future, which was mostly (and is) studying hard and getting a good job, getting my own place and not getting married unless the guy was everything I wanted in a guy, and that was going to be my life, I wasn't going to give up on my life for anyone else (and still aren't going to). Dee started teaching me sex moves and other thigns to do with that, she took me adult shopping with her and made me help her choose what to get and explained what they were used for. Once or twice she would beat me before Wayne came home, once she beat me till I was crawling awya from her, crying and saying over and over again "no, please stop" but she wouldn't unless she thought I'd had enough, which sometimes she ended it with a kick into the bed or just a kick that left me on the floor curled into a ball crying and in pain, wishing it would stop. I got angry once when at home and without touching her pushed her down the stairs, I don't know how or anythign and haven't been able to do that again but I somehow did manage it then, I remember something being there helping me but it wasn't truely there. Every school went to was christien, I wasn't christien and didn't believe in him (still don't and aren't), and in one school they used to punish those who didn't listen to it by making them stay in the chruch and listen to more until you could say what you had just been told. The boys used to enjoy making girls scream and I liked seeing it too, in one school we had "pet" frogs, the boys used to get a frog and put it down a girls back and watch them scream and jump around laughing I loved seeing that and I laughed too, one boy tried to make me scream by telling me to hold one I held it and stroked down it's back smiling, one boy shivered and I had to hold back a laugh, a girl came up behind me and called me a freak and I got angry and said sorry to frog and then put it down her top she screamed and ran around trying to get it off, when it did come off she was stilling yelling and crying, I was crying too from laughter as were the boys, I got taken to the principals for that but I didn't care and payed no attention to them, I was fed up with being treated badly by people like her. One night after not being allowed to eat anything because I wouldn't eat lamb hearts, I snuck downstairs to my grandparents, they gave me some food and saw some of my bruises, Dee and Wayne came down then and yelled at me and ordered me back up to my room, I quickly ducked out the door and ran upstairs, when in my room I could still hear them yelling at eachother. Dee and Wayne came up and "told me" off, and as always I cried myself to sleep. That morning I was told to choose between my grandparents and them, I said I needed to think about it but I didn't really I just wanted to not be seen and glared at, I thought it through and knew if I stayed with Dee and Wayne I would be put in a home for children, the worst one they could find as they had told me so themselves, so I chose my grandparents, and when I told them all they seemed happy and smield at me, I smiled back but stopped quickly as Dee and Wayne were glaring and said they had better sort out some paper work then, when I went back upstairs they threatened me and beat me for the last time, I was told if I told anyone even them what had happened and they got in trouble for it I would disappear for good, and noone could stop them. They moved away a few times but always came back, Dee got pregnant and had a few children while here, then they finally moved away for good, up to Scotland. I started asking about my dad before Dee left and about finding him, I got told he had raped Dee so I gave up on that. I went back to one of my old schools when I was with nan and granddad, but for me to get in we had to swear Dee and Wayne would never come to the school again, we did and I was back in one of my old schools, unfortunatly it was the school that used to punish you for not listen to the bible readings. Nan got report cards through and noticed something wrong with them, they never changed, she asked what happened at school and I told her that most of the time I had to take a heavy T.V set up to the Pre-school and stay there till they were done with it then take it back down the hill and go back to lessons, but when I came back lessons were almost over, and when I didn't have to take the T.V. up I was ignored in class, the teacher only said that some students would make nothing with their lives, that they just weren't that smart, but nan didn't believe that so she took me out of school and started home schooling me. The education board came round and were shocked as I was getting top marks, they tested me and said I acted mature and wasn't as the teacher had said, and when I told them I was planning on going to college and getting to good job they were pleased and wished me luck and said if I worked at that like I had on this then I would make it, I was happy to hear that. I then met a guy called Matt, he had a brother called Tom, Matt and I became friends and both wanted a good life, I told how mine had started and he helped me by teaching me a curse that didn't get back on you but still got at them, I done that and it worked a treat. One day I was going off to visit Matt at his home, when I got there Tom came to the door and said he had just gone out for a second but I could wait inside, he'd be back soon, I thanked him and came inside, we sat down in the frontroom and waited, I looked around the room at first and saw Tom staring at me I got alittle worried and freaked at how he was staring at me, I didn't like it, I got up and was about to say I'd wait outside when Tom got up and walked over to me saying about how silly Matt was, I didn't say anything and Tom stroked my cheek I was totally terrfied and started backing away from him, he smirked and I backed away faster only to have my back hit the wall, he laughed and I looked to see where the door was but before I could move toward it he had me pinned to the wall and was kissing me, he then started pulling at my clothes and I was trying to get him off me but it did no use he was stronger then I was and I started crying I heard my top rip and Tom laugh alittle, and I shut my eyes crying, when I felt Tom dragged off and I fell to the floor. When I looked up I saw Matt had hit his bro and shoved him in a room and locked the door, I looked at my top and it was now showing most of my chest, but I didn't know what to do so I just left it and Matt helped me up, and helped me to the door grabbed the keys to the car that he'd dropped when he had come back in, and helped me into the back of the car, and I passed out. Matt's bro left home a few days later and then later in the year moved to another country, Matt soon followed which made me sad. I went to college, which I was scared of at first but that didn't stop me, I started a starter course and met a guy and girl there, the guy was a fun loving gay and the girl a US usaully happy and relaxed girl, we all talked during our breaks and we managed to stay one happy little group we were the freaks and outcasts of the course, but we all just thought every course had them it was us this time in other courses someone else would be. Tha gay had many troubles in his life and I wanted to help, so I done all I could I gave him a freindly face, a shoulder to cry on and a person that would listen to whatever he had to say. He left the course a month before it was over because of a death in the family and he sank farther into depression, we kept in contact with him for awhile but then after awhile we stopped hearing from him. But me and Bug stayed friends and spent time together during breaks ect at college and listened to eachothers troubles. A boy on the course hated anyone not totally English so he picked on Bug and then on me, he threw thigs at us and kicked me in the back of the leg every so often, he got kicked off the course. I gota bf and didn't tell a soul, we broke up soon after though and he got angry, got his friends together in a town I was in tryign to find some good books to read before I had to meet up with a friend, they came up to me and said they wanted to talk I went with them, we left the town till we were on the outskirts, then I saw him come out and he told me I had two choses go back to him or not, I chose not to and he got angry and slapped me around the face, then his friends grabbed me and held me still and he hit me again saying how dumb I was to let him go, then he stopped and walked over to the car and one of his other frineds hit me to the floor, then they left me there bleeding and bruised, they called a friend of mine and told them to come and get me and told them where I was, then drove away quickly, my friends told me to not bother telling anyone as it would be pointless in the end and it would take them ages to prove it ect, so I didn't. I never told anyone what had happened to me, and when at college someone told me I had to go see a counsellor, I saw her and started to tell her my past (still am), trying to get over all I've been through and heal some of the old wounds, and I was starting to get depressed. We, Bug and I finished that course, and started looking for a new one, I chose business and she chose art. We are still friends. I found the realm, and joined up started talking to people with the same interests and met a guy that seemed different, a kind of bad boy, I liked him for that and I found out he liked me back, so he became my bf and me his gf. I knew I didn't really love him, and then a guy came along and I fell for him almost immedately, he liked me back the same way, and I broke up with my bf and went with the new guy I truely loved. We started planning our lives, he wanted me to have a job and everything else I wanted to do, I was so happy, he was perfect. Then one day at college I got word that he was dead and my heartbroken, the girl I had been talking to noticed I was crying and asked why, I told her and she took me away from there while I was crying, and so I went back to class crying, brokenhearted and suicidal, then I found I could still sense him. A few friends began helping me find out what was happening and we found out he was still alive, but then alittle later none of us could sense nor see him, and that only means one thing, he is dead. So I went back to my old bf, I thought I owed him something but I still didn't love him, and a few friends said I was making a HUGE mistake, but I didn't listen. My uncles died, and then my pet cat died. I then had a demon set on me, and a guy I know took it away and helped me. I talked and started to get lessons from the demon boy, and then relised I liked him, I think it's true friendship, and we are the same exactly the same, expect he's a boy and I'm a girl, I am bonded to many people and care about every single one. I am told I'm a wonderful person but I barely believe that, but I'm now starting to.
As time went on I went into a new relationship with the biggest mistake of my life, a guy called Felix. The night I made this mistake was a terrible night, I had had a very bad day at college and people I knew were treating me badly and saying hurtful things so my depression broke through it's barriers and if that hadn't been pushing me far enough my grandma and granddad upset me and had a go at me as well. I started thinking of killing myself and was thankful I had in the past few months saved up every pill I could get my hands on which ended up being into the thousands and had them stored away in my room in a secret place, I took them out and got myself a bottle of water and was about to take the first 5 when I got a call and was hoping to high hell it was the man I loved, James but it turned out to be my biggest mistake. He spoke to me for ages and made me feel like I owed it to him to stay alive and be with him. I got talked into agreeing but was still broken inside and then my heart broke ontop of that due to realising I had just messed up my chances of being with the one man I actually loved, James. Time moved on in a blur after that, I got told to tell James about the relationship and it crushed me even more to the point I was almost sobbing at the computer while typing it. After that James went offline and I went AFK to cry in a corner, and if that didn't hurt me enough things were about to get worse. I had always been good at pretending things were ok when on the inside I was in crippling agony, my biggest mistake got me into agreeing to meet him and even though I was scared and didn't want to I pretended it made me happy. Things went on like that for a couple of years, every day crushed me more and more to the point I wasn't like me anymore and people started noticing and started getting ordered to not go online or talk to anymore or to delete them. Then the emotional and mental attacks started once the biggest mistake realised I loved James and not him, that went on but I dealt with it as it seemed like that was how my life was meant to be. Then in the last year it got worse, I was forced to have sex with him and even forced into a threesome and to do phone sex with a friend of mine and then in the last few months he started getting angry at me for doing that when he was the one forcing me to as he started to lose grip on reality so one night he got seriously angry and when I was sitting on the bed trying to talk to him he grabbed my neck and had his other hand on my shoulder digging his nails in and yanking at my neck in the wrong direction, if he had kept on he would have broken my neck and when he stopped my neck was in agony and my shoulder was in pain and bleeding. He left the room and I called my grandma to beg for help, but due to my biggest mistake taking all my money I couldn't follow her advice of jumping on a train, I then spoke to James and told him what had happened, hoping he'd understand and help me. But no one understood I was begging for help but thankfully the relationship ended a few weeks later.
I then got told that most of my stuff from the flat would be delivered to me by his dad only then after a couple of weeks of being back at my grandma's and after going to the doctors only to be told to go to the hospital about my neck and was about to go sign on at the jobcentre I got a clal from him saying I now had to go on a trian to london to pick up my stuff and take it back with me on the train to my grandma's even though he knew I couldn't do that. My stuff then got shoved into a charity shop apparently and sold. Me and my grandma had some arguements so I told James I was having to look for a new place to live and he said about me moving in with him, I was so mega happy I said yes after asking him if he was sure. I got a friend to agree to be fake boyfriend and girlfriend to fool my ex into leaving me alone and he took it seriously into thinking we actually were. I saved up all the cash I could after helping my grandma with some costs of me having stayed there, paid for my own ticket to James, sorted out my oufit the day before and had already packed for it a couple of days before even having to leave, was really excited and weren't the slightest bit nervous. My grandma drove me to the train station and told me to make sure that I had a train fare back just incase things went wrong which I doubt and my friend Bug and her family had tried talking me out of leaving and I had ignored them all knowing I was doign the right thing. I sat on the train with Bug till her stop then turned my attention to what I wanted to tell James when I finally saw him, there was plenty going through my mind and I had music most of the way, didn't miss a single stop and made sure I was on time with every train and even tried getting there alittle earlier though turned out I just arrived directly on time with what I had told James. Unfortunatly I had agreed to see the fake boyfriend at the station as well but didn't care was just going to say I was tired from the long jounery and wanted to just go back to where I would be living, didn't play out that way unfortunatly. When I finally arrived I stepped out and gathered myself before even walking towards the exit, I could already feel that James was near the exit watching and waiting for me so I smiled and walked towards the exit, he was the first one I noticed and I looked straight at him and smiled and recieved a smile back. It was only then that I felt the butterflys and noticed the misrable worm of a fake boyfriend near James, I ignored him pretending I hadn't seen him and walked straight towards James. He had brought a friend with him, short little guy who looked like a deer caught in headlights of a oncoming car. James gave me a big hug and then when he mentioned the fake boyfriend I accidently mentioned how the guy had hid round the side of a pillar to hide from us all cause he was scared only to watch James go round the side of the pillar to get him. James appeared to be in shock so I agreed to go for a walk with the fake boyfriend so James could collect himself but agreed that he'd meet me back in the train station in exactly an hour, he agreed and left with my bags shocking me slightly. He made sure I had his number before leaving and I made sure he knew I had credit to text him and walked out the train station with the fake boyfriend, it all passed by in boredom, he then tried touching me up and I tried sending James a text to tell him and the fake goyfriend bought me a book which I was thankful for and then walked him back to the car park where his dad had agreed to wait for him. I then excitedly wlaked back to the train station and stood leaning against a pillar waiting for James to turn up, didn't notice he had turned up till I started texting him to meet me up after him not answering my old text when he said "hi sam" and I looked up surprised at James leaning against the pillar next to me and so we started walking back to the flats talking about random things that weren't important but both of us were so nervous we treated them like they were just to try taking out minds off how nervous we were.
When we finally got back we both sat down and he offered to put on a movie, a horror, I weren't paying much attention to the movie due to James offering to let me cuddle up to him, so we were cuddled up together watching movies and I was near having a panic attack by how nervous I was, when we got to the second movie I started nuzzling James when I had no idea why and he said that if I kept on he was going to kiss me which was exactly what I realised I wanted him to do, so I kept on and jsut as he said he kissed me. Started as kissing but quite hard kisses that showed to both of us just how long we had wanted to kiss eachother for then turned to making out and finally turned into me being thrown onto the bed willingly and yanking off his cloths as he did to me, but before he cam he asked me a important question, first if I really wanted to be with him and second if I minded him finishing inside without protection, we both admited we wanted to and said we wouldn't mind if we ended up with a child.
That's how things went on for 3 months, he when he had to went out and I stayed at home waiting for him so I could jump his bones again while sending him texts and giving him a few "special surprises" and actually from the first day started trying for a child, by the thrid month we agreed to visit my grandma and granddad as a couple. It went brilliant and we had adopted a cat and took it with us and my grandma and granddad spoke to James and in their own ways made sure he was a good guy, we got their blessing and ended up having a bit of fun in a field in the middle of the night.
A few months later I started noticing soem weird things, like the fact I hadn't had a period in ages and was craving toasted bread but with non toasted insides of egg and garlic and herb soft cheese. We had started watching every morning doctor who with creamy cheese mash and tuna and when I finally mentioned it to James we decided to go to the doctors about it. When we finally saw them we were made a appointment with midwives, went to see them and got told I needed a scan ASAP. By the time I got to the hospital and had my scan I was nervous and kinda scared and hopefully that I was pregnant as was James, we then found out I was pregnant but not early on pregnancy but middle pregnancy as I was 5 months gone. We were shocked but super happy and then began the paperwork and appointments every week and had to have blood taken from me with which James let me bite his hand so I paniced less. We managed to get all the baby things in time and at great prices, James had fun putting it all together while I read the instructions and watched tv. By the time it was the due date we were both completely ready and when I went to my last hospital appointment I had the worst to come, unlike other hospitals I had been in in my life this one banned people frm staying with you if you were one of the people who got scared of being alone they threatened to call the police on James to get him to leave the hospital and most of them looked at me and doubted I was pregnant until they saw my medical notes and green book. I was made to stay in hospital for a few days and during that time it was hell, but James and I dealt with it for the sake of our childs safety and ended up having to be induced for both her and my own safety but managed to talk myself into having a private room. At 1 am I started having contractions that meant I couldn't sleep and was forced to stay up all night and deal with the pain alone. As soon as I started having contractions I told the nurse and ended up being hooked up to a machine to measure them, at 7am I had a knock at the door and was told that I had been transfered to the delivery room and to call James at the desk as soon as we got there. Now I was made to walk down about 3 long hallways to get to the delivery room when walking was painful, I called James and had to wake him up due to it being so early and normally he had to only get up quite late due to vsiting hours. He got there and they took out a thing that looked like a crochet hook and cut the sack to help me give birth and called muma chrissy so she could make it to us, when she turned up James had to leave to collect our fridge freezer that was arriving at our flats, I started having to push and he still weren't back and I was taken to the room to give birth. James got there just in time after having ran all the way there managing to accidently hit a bus that weren't looking where he was going and jumping over a car and out running a guard to the hospital just in time to see the head start showing, then within half an hour our darling daughter was born, muma chrissy cut the cord and I finally got to hold my little girl then let James hold our daughter and finally muma chrissy got to hold her grandchild. We came up with the name Eris Fayde Dickens for her and agreed to try for another baby when she was 3 years old.
I stayed in overnight and after Eris passed all her health checks in the morning after having slept through all the night with me we were allowed to go home.
As the months passed she showed she was advanced for her age being as at 3 weeks she started trying to talk and wanted to eat normal food. We had racist health visitors and they reported us to social services due to them being unhappy with how James and I ran things, social services told us we were doing a excellent job with our daughter and that of course she weren't going to act or grow in attitude as other children due to her coming from intelligent and advanced for their age parents. James managed to get some jobs but then usually got unfairly fired and I stay at home looking after my baby girl when he's out while also trying to move nearer my grandma. Eris is almost 8 months old now and already has 5 teeth through and more on the way and can and has done for a few months now been able to say mummy and daddy. We couldn't be happier with our little family and I've been fully accepted into my fiancee's family and even have the wedding date set for 14th of October 2014 we can't wait to be married and look forward to whats heading our way next. And so I end this, for now this is my life story, the rest is still left to be seen.