What I "saw"

I have lost
Yet I haven't
I feel misery
But I shall not crumble
I am losing the same old fight
The fight to keep what is always mine
I will not weep nor wail
I will not show a tear under my veil.
I watch the oaken box
So far yet so near
I'm dressed like and clinging
Onto my shield
My guide
My friend
I need the strength
To go and keep control
I watch everyone weep and wail
And wish once agian this day had never come
"And we say goodbye to our
friend, mother and wife"
I don't want to go
But I want to go
I stand up when beckond
I walk up for the speech
I begin and watch everyones face
"I loved her, my grandmother
she always read to me
While I was small
She saved my life
And for that I'm thankful
For me she was my mother
And my grandmother
But most of all she was my friend
All I have left to say is
I love you nan
And may we meet again
For this is not the end
But your beginning"
I walk back
And am greeted by my friend
With open arms
"That was lovely"
Is all I hear
I feel nothing
As I watch
My nan's disappearing box
Never to reappear
I get out of the building
And head for somewhere
Anywhere
Grief grips my heart
And tears begin to start.
I collapse
I don't move
I don't care
"I don't want this
Please be a dream"
I plead
Warm arms come around me
But I don't look
My sight is blurred
My sight is tainted
I cuddle closer
to the warmth and cry
I don't know why
But in that moment
I felt something stire
I wipe my eyes
And look around
There by a tree
Nana stands
She waves and says
"Please don't cry
I'll love you now and forever"
And with that shes departs
I smile
And see who came
And am surprised
It's all my friends.
I love you all.


Darkest wishes
-Sam